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I think i recently become tougher a bit but also a bit weaker. Tougher towards people and Weaker in sorting matters. If I not wrong, recently I've become a "Bitchy" person. Seems like most of my friend either block or delete me in MSN. Some not answering my call or replying my message. Now, even when i am talking with my buddies, at most only 10 sentences and we stop our conversation. Recently, I date out some of my friends, they either busy or sound a bit unwillingly. My friends use to say that I've changed, however, I don't really know if I've changed to be a better or a so called "rotten" apple. From their reaction, I quite certain that is changed towards the bad ways. I don't feel that I changed, I think that I am the same old ME. Maybe I don't realise myself? Or they are getting more and more impatients towards me? I can't really figure it out and I don't want to too.

-Friends can be your saviour and also your predator.

You Broke It Again.

Treating It Good then Being Cold AGAIN.
Giving It Hope then Taking It Away AGAIN.
Fixing It Up then Breaking It AGAIN.
Because Of Another then You Hurting It AGAIN.
It Sound Sad but You Did It AGAIN.

again, Again, AGain, AGAin, AGAIn, lastly, AGAIN.

One and Only.

Don't get upset. Why should you ?
You and Him are already connected to each other at the time when you are born.
However, You and Him now are just located at different places.
It need time for You and Him to meet.
He is searching for You and You are searching for him, but both without knowing both-self.
Time is the key to open the door for you two to meet.
Just hold on to each other and walk till the end of the road.
This is what we are searching for for our whole life. - at least it is, for me

What i going to post today ? I, myself, don't really know too ... This few days i am thinking why I can't change for a person ? But question is, do I need to ?

Sometime although there are people around me to chat and joke around, I may feel lonely still. Most of the people may think that " Don't be greedy. There are so many people around you and you still feel lonely ? It can't be. Learn to be content. " However, that's not what I think. Maybe I demand more from things around me. Who knows ? Not even me, i know myself, how can others?

Things are beyond our control. If the things is yours, it eventually will be. If it's not yours, even if you force yourself to take or keep it, end up the one who is hurting is you own self. With no exceptions, I sometimes intend to get what is not meant for me, so the ending is obvious. The one losing it out is me. The more u trying to snatch, the more scars and wound you will get.

All those which I mentions above is already very old fashion and naggy to most of the people. But on the second though, will you all though of this when the situations happened to you ?

- Just there. I know.

When I am sitting alone, I tend to have tons and tons of thought flowing through my mind ...

People always said that having a Crush is painful but some is Sweet. At first, I don't really understand why they said that. However, after thinking a while while alone, I think I know the reason.

Having a crush, meaning that you affect deeply or completely, as with emotion to a person.

Actually, crush is like a 'knife'. It will keep cutting and cutting into your heart and make the 'wound' deeper. You will ask, what's the wound referring to ? There are 2 meaning, which applied to 2 different situation each for it.

First meaning- It will be having a crush on that person whom he/she is still single. However, in this section, it's divided into Two Situations.
First situation >> You are a stranger to him, meaning that you know his present but he do not.
In this situation, You will already feel very happy just by observing that person's actions and things that he do. You will feel content when he make an eyes contact with you or when he walk pass you in school or in anywhere you can think of.
Second situation >> You two are friends, meaning that both of you know each other.
In this situations, you will be happy when you have an outing with him, no matter is with him alone or in a group. You just felt happy when he is around.

For the First meaning, 'Wound' means Liking or Loving. That means you will feel bliss looking at his everything and even a tiny respond from him, will make you day a special one. In addition, every eyes contact you two made may be a chance of you two becoming a pair of couple.

Second meaning- It will be having a crush on that person whom he/she is attached. That's right ! In this section, it's also divided into Two Situations.
First situation >> Same as above. You are a stranger to him, meaning that you know his present but he do not.
However, different between the First and Second is that you will feel hurt will looking at him. He wouldn't even make an eyes contact with you as in his eyes, only see his girlfriend. You don't even wan to pass by him or wishing him to pass by you. It's just feel not right to you.
Second situation >> This too, same as above second situation. You two are friends, meaning that both of you know each other.
Although you likes to see him, when you thought that his girlfriend will tag along, you will feel a kind of sadness. When he and his girlfriend are doing those couple business in front of you, you will feel that why she is so blissful to have him around her? Why she is the one and not you? Going out with them is just a torture to you but feeling of not letting him to know your inner emotion and to cherish every little chance to see him, you always went along.

For the Second meaning, 'Wound' will mean Hurt or Scars. That means whenever you think of him, deep inside you know that you and him is not possible. This is painful to you.

Its not end of the day.
Just keep move on.
You will find what you desire for.
Why give up?
He is somewhere searching for you.
He is grabbing every tiny chance to meet you, why not you?
Even if the chance is as slim as a spider web's tread, it still worth a try.
He is trying to light up the path than lead you to him.
He is collecting every match sticks that he can find to start up a fire for you, why not you?
Don't stop and keep searching for the gentle flames in the path which he lights up for you.

Starting will not be easy,
Process will be tiring,
Ending will be YOU, the one who are deciding ...

That, I am not feeling well now. I know that I'm not right. I tried not to dissapoint either one of you. But I think I didn't done a good job. Sorry to all that I dissapoint.

Look at you from where I am now, my heart was worried. Maybe it doesn't seems that i am worried from my facial expression, but inside me, I am anxious.

The time when I not around, will you take care of yourself? I know that although even if I am around, I didnt take a good care of you, but at least I will feet that I am there for you and I can do something, minor things means a lot to me. If I am not around, who will pour you a cup of hot water or who will make a breeze for you? That all I know what to do currently. Sorry that I only can do such a insignificant task. I will try my best to improve.

Sorry that I make you and him angry or sad recently. I am not purposely, but I think is because of my stubboness. Even though you and him are angry, you will be the one who bear with my stubboness and cheer me up. I am happy and lukcy to have you and him^^, words can't describe how grateful I am to have you and him around me. I also know that my stubboness had cause number of unhappiness for you and him and people around me. However, I also tried to amend it slowly, bit by bit.

Thanks you all for doting me^^. I know how to take care of myself. Don't worry and smile everyday, every hours, every minutes and every second. Smile and happiness is all I want from you and him. ^^ !

Love you and him ! <3 ~